The Chocolate Dog

You will need:

One penny, dated circa 1900.

A cereal box (unopened, i.e. containing cereal).

A coin-operated time machine.

A bank account containing at least $20.00.

1039 Billion metric tons of scotch tape.*

Once you gather your supplies go to a cash machine and withdraw exactly $20.00 from your bank account. Having done this go buy something that cost around 5.49$ from any nearby store this is to obtain some change.

Use the money to operate the time machine. (Note: time machine, bank account and the money contained therein will be created during later steps.)

Therefore the only equipment you ACTUALLY need to find in order to build this YF-22 is :

The scotch tape, the penny and the cereal box. However, you should ensure that all of the above items are present before you begin, or you will not be successful.

Now, go forwards in time by several thousand years to a future era of human history, which has invented time travel. You can do this simply by not dying by whatever death-avoidence method suits your taste and budget or better yet use the time machine you will acquire in the next step. You just need to get to the future and as the arrow of time is fairly easy to navigate in that direction you should be able to accomplish this task.

Withdraw some more cash from your account - it will have accumulated a HUGE quantity of interest during this time - and purchase a coin-operated time machine.

Send the coin operated time machine back in time on autopilot to several minutes before you started following these instructions.

This accounts for the time machine in the above list.

Head back to the 1900s or thereabouts and open a bank account with a suitably old penny in what will become your bank in your home era.

Remember, banks go through name changes, so be sure to check up on what its old name used to be.

Deposit the old penny. Compound interest should increase the value of this penny to about 20.00$ by the time you need it in 2007ish.

All of your money is now also accounted for, as is your bank account.

Take your scotch tape and your box of cereal backwards in time by roughly 14,000,000,000 years and allow the preposterous quantity of scotch tape to undergo gravitational collapse to form a star.

This star should be of sufficient mass to go supernova, generating large amounts of iron and other heavy elements.

If you picked your spot correctly, this should result in the creation of our Sun and the planet Earth, both of which you are therefore directly responsible for.

Head down onto the shores of young, sterile, lifeless Earth and empty out the box of cereal onto a randomly selected stretch of coastline.

Mold and bacteria in the cereal should soon begin to munch on the cereal, then the box, gradually evolving and growing until becoming life, as we know it.

You are now also responsible for the evolution of humanity, and obviously, all things that humanity has ever done, including, for example, the invention of time machines, bank accounts, scotch tape, breakfast cereal, and YF-22 fighter planes (Cool). (Note: even if the bacteria die out and humanity evolves by other means, then you still made Earth and everything on it, so you still get the credit for YF-22s. However, the cereal box is not directly involved.)

Head to the distant future a second time.

Extract millions of dollars from your bank account.

Finally, return to the present day.

Purchase a real YF-22.

*Give or take a few onces.

A bill being considered today by the House Public Education Committee of the Texas State Legislature would mandate that all high schools in Texas offer elective Bible Classes using a controversial course curriculum from the National Council On Bible Curriculum In Public Schools (NCBCPS) which, says the group, is used in over 1,000 high schools in 36 states and which also has been accused of being partisan, religiously sectarian, academically shoddy, and historically incorrect.
In a recent, notorious incident that casts a peculiar light on the legislation being considered by the Texas legislature, House Bill 1287 was introduced by Texas State Rep. Warren Chisum, who gained a national profile in February 2007 for distributing a memo, also circulated in several other US State legislatures, that alleged the Theory of Evolution to be a religion based in Jewish Kabbalism and referenced a website rebutting Copernicus and claiming the Earth does not rotate and is orbited every 24 hours by the Sun, the Solar System and the entire known universe. That latter view, known as "Geocentrism", is also held by some leaders on the American Christian right who advocate the imposition of Christian theocratic government. All this brings to mind some of the simply WRONG creationist philosophy I have been writing about lately. I can not say enough how incredibly foolish and ignorant creationist theory is. …However I digress.
Beyond the controversy over the integrity of the NCBCPS curriculum itself, if Texas House Bill 1287 gets signed into law, argues capitalannex.com's Vince Liebowitz, a Texas based journalist, newspaper editor, and former Texas Democratic County Chairman, the legislation would "force many school districts, especially small districts where teachers are already pushed to the limit, to increase staff sizes or drop electives. Since many small districts are limited in electives already, it's likely they will have to hire new staff simply to follow this state mandate. It is an unfunded mandate, in addition to everything else.".
The NCBCPS curriculum has come under considerable academic criticism from Biblical scholars, most recently in a new, ongoing expose of dubious and even fraudulent history presented in the curriculum, by a historian who specializes in debunking historical fabrication and distortion found in revisionist interpretations of US history which claim America was founded as a Christian nation. In 2005, a widely endorsed study by Biblical historian Dr. Mark Chancy of Southern Methodist University stated that the NCBCPS Bible class curriculum advocates a narrow sectarian perspective taught with materials plagued by shoddy research, blatant errors and discredited or poorly cited sources. Dr. Chancey says he supports nonpartisan, nonsectrian, academically rigorous elective Bible classes in public schools.
In 2006, an extensive survey of the over 1,000 public schools in Texas that was a joint effort by Dr. Chancey and the Texas Freedom Network, a nonprofit organization that works to counter the Christian right, cast an unfavorable light on elective Bible classes in the 25 Texas schools that offered those in the 2005-2006 school year: "With a few notable exceptions, the public school courses currently taught in Texas often fail to meet minimal academic standards for teacher qualifications; curriculum, and academic rigor; promote one faith perspective over all others; and push an ideological agenda that is hostile to religious freedom, science and public education". According to a 2005 story by the Texas based Baptist Standard, the NCBCPS claims its curriculum has spread more widely than the TFN/Chancy study found and is used in 52 school districts in Texas. The BCBCPS's website claims that its curriculum is currently used in 382 school districts in 37 US states.
Historian Chris Rodda, author of "Liars For Jesus : The Religious Right's Alternate Version Of American History", has started an online debunking of the presentation of American history in the National Council On Bible Curriculum in Public Schools' Bible class curriculum and notes a range of historical inaccuracies, possible fabrications, and misquotes in the NCBCPS curriculum's presentation of United States history. Rodda is taking the unusual step, which may set a new standard for academic accountability, of posting historical source documentation she refers to in her work at her website so that other historians can authenticate her claims.
As rational people we have to fight and fight aggressively against this sort of garbage before it makes it's way into our and our childrens lives. Religious agendas are dangerous wherever they show their ugly and inappropriate presence. Yes, I am sure no one is surprised by this sort of ignorant thinking being manifest in Texas but like any other disease (Of the Mind or Body) it will spread if left unchecked. To those who think this philosophy is antagonistic, inflammatory and even oppressive (Of Religion) remember the 2,000 + year old campaign of oppression and sublimation almost every major religious institution has practiced, Christianity and Islam being the principle guilty parties.